Some things should remain hidden

Everybody has a secret or two, something that they keep hidden. Whether it’s something painful that remains deeply buried, something shameful or outright outrageous and could land you in a fair amount of trouble.

Like every man i have a fair few of  these.

Being a former serving soldier there is a fair amount of baggage that remains buried and very few people know about.

This is the route cause of my recent apathy and disconnected feeling to everything around me.

A couple of weeks ago, I was going through the usual yearly routine of getting my documents in order at work. For car, travel insurance etc.

I happened to leave my driving license and passport on my desk whilst retrieving some documents from the printer.

I returned to my workshop to a couple of colleagues working on a piece of equipment, this is pretty normal, I have the largest space in the building and people will use the space when they have to build larger pieces of kit or range test lasers etc.  I usually just get on with whatever im doing regardless.

After maybe half an hour we start talking about general stuff, where work is going to take me in the next few months, where ive been etc. One of them spots my passport on the desk, as it was the topic of conversation he has a look, Its a double thickness passport due to the amount of traveling I do. There are entries in there still dating back to my time in the Armed Forces, many of them quite ‘exotic’(you wouldn’t go there on holiday).

After a quick look through this he moved on to my driving license, immediately comments were made about the entries i have on there. They date back to when i was serving, I’m not proud of them, they draw up memories that have long been put to the back of my mind.

All would have been good if it had finished there, the other colleague then got to it before i could. I believe the words were “lets have a look then”. This guy is the company loud mouth, nothing will remain secret for long(before this the only one who knew was the company HR).

Time to baton down the hatches, this is hard, now many people ‘know’ some of my past. I am now reminded of this every time someone mentions it.

It brings back thoughts and feelings i would rather not remember, It was a dark time, I get withdrawn much like Danny did after his new years incident .

It is not hatred or fear that comes back to me, instead there is much sadness and depression linked to this time.

I lost many friends whilst serving, on operations i participated in the deployment with the most losses from a single British unit in Afghanistan. I coped with it quite well at the time, writing home to my partner at the time, sometimes laying things out in some quite graphic details. This was to be my undoing back then, whilst i was coping with this method, my partner(also a serving soldier) did not take this so well!

I was recalled home from operations just after 5 months, I was met by my Regimental Sergeant Major at the airport, this was very odd, i knew something was amiss as soon as i arrived to see this, you usually will get a duty driver, not the not the highest ranking non-commissioned soldier in the unit!

When we got back to my unit I was sent to shower and eat, I was then called to my commanding officers office, non of the usual ceremony etc that is associated with going to see him. This is when the news was broken to me, My partner had committed suicide not 48 hours before.

I was in my own personal hell! Thousands of miles away from the death and destruction i was living, I had made someone else live it via proxy. This was not intentional, it was a release valve for the built up emotions that i had at the time.

Something so small and seemingly innocent at the time took me back to a dark place, somewhere i will not go often.

I have learned my lesson, I am more cautious about what I leave around, even in the most harmless of places things will happen that challenge your current frame and take you back a few steps to someone you used to be.

I will be hiding my past more so than before, It may take a fair amount of time to recover my frame and bury the emotional damage that was done nearly 10 years ago.

Everyone has these moments, some to different extents, but we all do.

The lesson here, if you dont want things digging up, hide it. Hide it well, it is hard with the internet intruding more and more into our lives. But dont make it easy, it takes a hateful and jealous person to go digging past the superficial and readily presented information.

If you find a person like that, do everything within your power to remove them from your circle, it will only harm you in the long run.

Learn from your errors.

SH

He did not say a word to me

After

Probably the cheapest lesson you can get

After a relaxing couple of weeks away from everything its time to step back into the fold.

While it was good to be away and give the brain a rest from everything relating to the sphere, it has been hard at times to switch off… whether it be watching something on tv and picking holes in whatever is happening, or watching the way people interact in bars and clubs…….  It really is a mess out there!

A few moments do stick in my mind however, they gave me positive thoughts, a new insight and possibly the best way to pick up ‘game’ and Red Pill messages and behaviors that will see you right.

Well, a couple of weeks before Christmas the usual family gathering occurs in a local pub. Family who we wont get to see through the holidays themselves come from all over to meet up for a meal and a few drinks.

I have always enjoyed these gatherings and still do. However watching the day unfold through the looking glass i have a different perspective on the dynamic that is the modern family.

The majority of my extended family are either married, or single… by this i mean no divorces, civil partnerships etc.

When there are 3 generations of a family gathered together the changes in the social dynamics over the years is clearly visible.

You have my Grandfathers generation, born between 1920s and 1940s… the majority  pre-feminism. A very traditional approach to the family unit, a male lead family, much like the ‘captain and first mate’ model.

Theres my Fathers generation, born between 1950s and 1970s… Right in the middle of the beginnings of the movement becoming more mainstream. The changes in the dynamics are noticeable, a more female lead group (including an un-married 40-something careerist, there is a single mother in the equation here too).

Then theres my generation, 1980s to 2000s… On the whole pretty indoctrinated into the female imperative and solidly ‘plugged in’. Out of all of us, i can only readily think of one who is married. The majority are ‘princess’  who truly believe they are ‘unique and special’ and have an unnatural attachment to their smartphones. Or feminised ‘men’, a couple with whole make-up for men thing going on or £100 haircuts!!! because its the thing to do and all their friends have done it.

Watching these interactions between the family and certain members to outsiders made me realize a few things.

As the generations progress the interactions to those outside the group declines rather rapidly.

Watch your Grandparents, they will talk to anybody and everybody, even if its just a polite hello.

Your parents on the whole will follow the same path, maybe slightly more reserved, they start less actual conversations. It will mostly be just a hello, as this is what they were taught by there parents.

Now my generation, im almost ashamed to be part of it.

The majority either have headphones in permanently or are glued to their mobile, checking facebook or the likes every 5 minutes so as not to have to interact in the real world… I even caught 2 sat at the same table messaging each other. I mean how hard is it to spit out a few words to someone less than 10 feet away from you?

To top it all look at the facial expressions of the same groups.  Who generally looks happy?

Its not the ones who have all the gadgets and gizmos at their fingertips, man do the majority of 20-30s look miserable, i thought we would have had it best out of the lot.

Nope its the eldest of the lot who seem most content, whether they have money in their pocket or not, it doesnt seem to bother them.

Now heres the ‘game’ part.

Watch how your Granddad will interact with most people, if you know anything of the theory behind it, you will see it right before your eyes.

He will game everybody, male, female, adults and kids.

Watch his body language, yes my granddad is now getting on a bit, but he just oozes a calm and collected aura… Almost like he doesnt have to prove himself to anyone.

My advice is get out and about with the elder members of your family, sure the majority of kids wont think its ‘cool’ to do such things and only go to them when they need something.

But do it, take your granddad to your local bar for a beer one evening during the week, take both grandparents (if you still have them both) out for a meal, doesnt have to be anything fancy. Besides a pub lunch will probably do them fine.

Watch how they act around people and how they talk to them… Watch your grandad flirt with the hot waitress, bet he does it more than once… and she will probably come back to ‘check everything is ok’.

This also does you favours too. That hot waitress your grandad just hit on, will notice that youre there with them. A kind of pre-selection if you will, youre a protector/provider for your elders too!!

Oh and of course, you pay the bill for the meal or beers… be different, dont be the one that always goes cap in hand.

Besides you have probably just had a lesson in being more ‘alpha’ than any seminar can teach or show. People pay a lot of money to ‘learn’ these things, youve just got it for the cost of a couple of beers or a meal.

55 rules of the Alpha male

I found this earlier on Reddit and wanted to share.

Possibly the biggest list I have seen on this subject, all very valid points.

Not necessarily to be taken as gospel, but they will give you a good framework to build from, a bit of practice the majority will be internalized.

1: Always take up a lot of space. Beta-males always shrink up as if they were apologizing for their own personal waste of space. Be territorial. Claim it because you own it.

2: Be calmer than everyone around you. Stress (talking about it or showing it) is an indicator of Beta-male status. Be unaffected by what others are affected by. Heat, sweat, cold, stress, etc…Leaders are aloof and confident.

3: Slow down body movements. Visualize moving in a pool. Relax your eyelids.

4: Resist the fear that you will piss people off. Be willing to be distracted when someone is talking to you. Be willing to take the lead and end the conversation when you want to. You should be the initiator for most conversations too.

5: STOP trying to please everyone and make him or her like you. Start qualifying everyone and don’t give any fake smiles, laughs or gestures until they EARN IT!

6: Develop a sense of impudence: Take liberties you know you deserve.

7: Know your own worth. When someone does you a favor or gives you something, don’t over appreciate. Know that you deserved it and you had it coming from them. Act as though it is expected when people help, do favors and give things to you. Set boundaries and limitations on what you will tolerate from others.

8: Confidence: This is simply freedom from self-doubt, and having strong beliefs in your own actions, words and abilities. Don’t over-analyze this.

9: Be supportive of `lesser’ males. Aggression is never a good idea. Use praise instead. Make sure your friends are safe and they see you ensuring their safety.

10: Smile less often. It doesn’t make you rude, just discerning. People should earn your smiles and laughs. Give them as rewards when people win you over.

11: Don’t EVER act apologetic. Don’t use excuses or feel the need to explain your actions….EVER!

12: Time with you is valuable and rare…you are busy and focused on yourself.

13: Frame equals mood + beliefs about the current situation. Don’t get sucked into anyone’s mood. Pull them into yours, forcefully. Be the pillar of strength that is unmovable. Why do you think strippers like those poles so much?

14: If you don’t define the meaning of the interaction, the other person will do it for you.

15: Remain silent every once in a while after someone finishes talking. Look at them and wait…they will keep talking to make you happy.

16: Speak slowly. You will NOT loose the group’s attention.

17: Every once in a while, choose a time for you when you will be closed off for the day. Just stand in quiet confidence and be as silent as possible. People will try to get you to talk and wonder what’s up.

18: Don’t ever laugh at your own jokes. This kills!

19: Make statements whenever possible. People should have to earn your questions.

20: Don’t look around at other people trying to get energy or attention from them. Your energy is within you. Be in your own universe, you can have a welcome mat, but others should still be a guest.

21: Hold everyone’s attention. If they look away or get distracted, be the first to walk away, get even more distracted or become immediately busy.

22: ELIMINATE the fear of being the one to break a group’s state by taking the lead and beginning or ending something first so that others will follow.

23: Make yourself COMFORTABLE. Don’t be uncomfortable when speaking to others or groups. Face the direction you feel like facing.

24: Make strong eye contact. You don’t have to have a serious face on when you do this. That’s stupid. Smirk a tiny bit like you know more than they do.

25: Don’t try to make people like you…make then think you are from the future .

26: At the first sign of people’s indecision, be the FIRST to speak up and take action.

27: Don’t wait to take control. Seize the opportunity.

28: Out alpha the AMOGS by shoulder taps, friendly elbows, compliments and putting social pressure on him. Social pressure is only using a psychological spotlight.

29: When a competing male tries to challenge you or take control of the group, ignore him, don’t make eye contact, keep your body posture. (Shoulders back and relaxed, head back, smile a little.) Comment when he’s finished.

30: Be comfortable having complete control of the group. It is a responsibility you must take on. Don’t be afraid that you will screw things up.

31: With men: Start qualifying immediately. As soon as you get them to qualify, compliment them on something and start telling a story before they can respond.

32: Being in control is simple: It is only about believing fully in what you are doing. Believe that you have the best plan of action and no one could possibly do better.

33: If someone says something you don’t like, SMILE, roll your eyes a little and give them a look as if they were a cute little kid.

34: You must be the one who expends the least amount of nervous energy. You will then be in control. Let others get nervous; wondering if they are impressing you or not.

35: Be talkative: Say whatever is on your mind and don’t worry about the consequences. Just be a talkative person.

36: Don’t be afraid to make others feel bad. If you feel you need to say something, say it. Don’t ever try to camouflage your intent. Be honest and direct. This will earn you all kinds of respect points.

37: Resist the need to share the intensity of emotions you’re feeling.

38: Touch people when you talk to them. Know that it’s okay to do.

39: Don’t pause too long when someone asks you a question. This indicates your deep thinking about the question and your need to give them the best possible answer…stop dong this!

40: Steeple your hands when you speak if you feel like you are getting a little nervous. This shows LOTS of confidence and is a leader indicator.

41: Don’t walk too fast. This is another behavior that is used to break your own frame. Slow down and relax. Know you are the MAN.

42: Straighten your spine, tilt your pelvis forward, relax and spread
out. Take up space…it’s YOURS!!

43: Don’t always respond when someone calls your name. When you do respond, turn your head to them slowly.

44: Keep it short and to the point. Don’t go into some elaborate and boring story. (I know you love it, but it’s boring)

45: When you ask advice from other people, let them have the spotlight. Don’t be afraid to let someone else stand in the spotlight for a while. Compliment them when they do.

46: Never stop someone from performing acts of generosity towards you, or be too thankful when they do.

47: Be dominant and in control. If you don’t like the conversation…walk away. Start talking to someone else in the middle of the conversation if you feel like it. You are the alpha and you are in charge. Regardless of income, rank etc…you are the leader.

48: Don’t ever brag about yourself. Not bragging builds mystery. Let them discover things on their own.

49: Don’t EVER put yourself down! Alpha males do not do this unless it is an OBVIOUS joke! It’s okay to make a joke to convey the opposite of what you are saying in the joke.

50: Don’t ever put others down or talk badly about someone else!!! This is key. When you put others down, it reveals your own insecurities. If they are no threat, don’t act like they are. Women will take up sides with anyone you decide to put down.

51: Live a life of DISCIPLINE AND FUN: The two secret ingredients in the alpha male’s life.

52: If you treat people like they are cooler than you are, you are a beta-male.

53: If you `put up’ with disrespectful behavior, you are a beta-male.

54: Use clean language unless you really have to curse. Profanity is just like verbal violence: The people who use it are usually totally insecure and frightened by their lack of dominance.

55: Use violence as a LAST resort. The pack leader of any pack is not a bully

Take from it what you want, some are what i consider common decency, others go against the grain a little.

SH

A surprise from the not-so-social network

I logged into Facebook for the first time in a week or so today! Its not my thing so don’t see the point.

This however did jump out at me.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

Every now and then you get a little surprise.

SH

A glimmer of hope?

Nothing big today.

I remembered a message I received a couple of weeks back on POF.

Although its only a small shot of the conversation I had, hopefully the message is starting to spread.

There’s always a hope that it does

SH

The effects of ‘Game’ on men?

I have spent the evening trawling through half written posts covering a large range of subjects.

To try and keep my thought process vaguely on the same track i have decided to flesh out a thought i had a week or so ago.

It also happens to tie up what i was getting at in my last post, as i dont think i was too straight with its meaning.

 

With the ever further reaching grasp of the female imperative or as many think of it, the softening of men.

It is becoming ever more evident that the principles of Game/Charisma are becoming more effective on men.

 

Men will naturally structure themselves under a leader, usually the strongest at the top, the rank and file will sort themselves out into their own smaller hierarchy.

You only have to look back a couple of hundred years to the European Monarchies with the King being top of the pile then dividing his empire to his noblemen to rule over on his behalf.

 

The same principle can be applied today, with ‘men’ becoming ever more feminized (is that a word… im not sure?) the hierarchical ladder is becoming ever easier to climb for those with the correct character traits.

Although the general view by society is that these are the sexists, chauvinists etc. none the less men follow the leaders, its hardwired into our genes to associate ourselves with those that will best serve our instincts for survival.

Despite the female imperative trying its level best to eradicate such men from society and place women on the pedestal in their place, this will never be the case, when push comes to shove men on a whole will come through with the decisions and pull things out of the fire just in time.

 

Right now for the more personal experience that made this become clear to me.

I work for a multi-billion corporation covering mainly the defense sector.

At present this is a cut throat industry, the years of endless funds are now over and many have had to re-evaluate their standing, the best in their field should shine through. However as I have seen with my own eyes a system that has become management heavy and the doctrine that these managers have been taught has turned them into faceless blame shifters looking for any reason to pass the buck onto someone else.

Anybody within this system willing to stand up and make his voice heard and giving solutions and constructive answers instead of passing the blame are at a premium.

 

I found myself in this exact situation, despite being several rungs down the ladder to many of the so called managers in a recent meeting about the way to go. The broad majority made excuse after excuse about market climates etc, instead I took a different approach, not accepting the excuses and pushing for ‘what are we doing about it’ answers did not go un-noticed. Hell i had to, my neck would be on the line before the majority of the hierarchy came into question.

What had basically happened was a simple re-frame, the management were taken out of their ‘its not our fault’ mindset and forced into a more proactive frame, these are the same principles that PUA’s use to great effect, being able to project your own frame onto others around you.

 

This is what got me wondering if the effects of even a basic understanding of game can aid you in things more than just the sexual marketplace?

Do I believe so? Yes i do, seeing several managers taking a fall recently and not being replaced, their workload being scattered to those with a more positive outlook.

Does this have benefits? Yes and no. If a bit more responsibility or work troubles you, you’re either in the wrong job or no better than the vast majority of ‘Non Job’ managers that plague the corporate environment.

If you can handle it, then kudos to you, the rewards will outweigh the effort. A pay rise here, extra perks like company car etc are not out of the question, I now get travel expenses including 4 trips to the US every year, 4 to the middle east and all being good several to the far east too.

 

In the end, whether it be working in a shop or a multinational corporation, apply what game you can on those around you. The steps may only feel small to start with, the momentum will quickly gather.

 

SH

Im glad not everyone gets ‘The Game’

I really am too lazy for my own good sometimes!

3 posts so far in as many months, not my best effort.

Anyway back to things i suppose.

This post has sat in draft for a little while in various guises, It was going to be a response to M3′s Incel Post.

I felt memories long since washed away coming back to haunt me, all the hatred and general apathy towards an ever declining society had returned. It was time to baton down the hatches and disappear for a while.

Refreshed and free from my demons i will have another stab at things.

Here goes.

Whilst the ‘Manosphere’ being a relatively small and fringe community trying their utmost to push back against the lumbering beast that is often referred to as  ’The Decline’ or ‘The Matrix’. Daily more and more men(and a few women) are unplugging from the accepted and fem-centric dogma that society preaches.

I am all for this unplugging and general enlightenment that is offered by many poster throughout the sphere.

I’m not saying that guiding men to the behaviours (Game/Charisma – see Private Man) is in anyway a bad thing, it will undoubtedly reduce the hatred and anger as described by M3.

What I am asking is, is this a good thing for the future? Yes the balance needs to be restored for society as a whole to function and stop the spiraling decline. But where do you stop? If every man is aware of  ’Game’ the advantage that many enjoy is eroded, where do you turn then?

Now for a few thoughts why I’m glad not everyone gets ‘The Game’.

With few people willing to make a decisive choice on anything, It is far easier to stand out from the pack.

In your work life you will be viewed more favorably compared to the average chumps working alongside you, always awaiting to be told what to do.

This in turn will inevitably lead to your own advancement  within whatever field you pursue.

Your social circle will naturally attract like-minded people, success and charisma will attract the same. Yes you may well get a few orbiters hoping to ride on your coat tails, within reason this is not a bad thing, social proof is a wonderful thing.

You will be the go to guy as you always have  something to do or somewhere to go.

Your love life… Whether its playing the field or whatever relationship you are currently having, it is far easier to stand apart from the AFC’s and White Knights, due to being different, not supplicating or bowing to every demand placed upon you.

The friendzone will occur less, hell if it happens there is the option to just walk away, theres always another waiting in the wings right?

Any family you have (especially the older generations) are more likely to view you in a better light. Being proactive, something they can relate to, I know my grandparents and parents made it on their own without any handouts or expecting for others to pave the way.

My Grandad even called my generation ‘The Entitled Generation’, he came to this all on his own, he doesnt own a computer and has never been near the internet.

I can see it in him when we talk, the sadness of how a country that he worked so hard to help build to greatness, slowly crumbling, all this in just 2 generations! He will often remind me how there was very little intervention from the state when he was my age, now it is an expected behaviour for the state to support the people not the otherway round.

Ill leave it there for now before i get too wound up.

Lastly i expect this is how many have felt since discovering the sphere… Lyrics included read and enjoy

SH